Breaking Monotony
by SimpliRay
Summary: Barry is still struggling in the aftermath of his father's death. He meets a young man in a similar situation who deals with his grief in an entirely different way. *Note* Takes place after season 2- No Flashpoint AU.
1. Chapter 1

It's been almost a month since Zoom killed my dad. Almost a month and I still can't scrape together a sense of normalcy in my life. It's empty. Every day is the same shade of gray. It's been washed, rinsed, and repeated so long there's no more color in my world. Wake up. Head to CCPD. Work the cases. Leave. Go to S.T.A.R. Labs. Patrol the streets. Running. Running. Running until I run out of things to run for. Then go home...and dream.

Some nights I'm there in that living room. Staring. Helpless. Dad's staring at me. Willing me to look away because he knows. He knows I can't save him. He knows I can't stop him. I beg and plead and still in an instant he's crumpling to the ground. I'm on my knees begging and screaming, but he's gone. Nights like those usually end with me being shaken awake by Joe. It's my childhood all over again. Joe waking up to my terrified screams rushing in to save me. He holds on to me anchoring me to reality until I can do it on my own.

Other nights I'm dreaming. I am still there in that living room. Only, this time, I manage to save him. I save my dad. Zoom is gone and I'm... I'm holding onto my dad and we're laughing and crying. He holds me so tight. " I love you, Slugger." I'm awake. I sit straight up with a ghost of a smile on my face. Then, I feel it start to fade as the truth of the memory starts crashing down on me. No one hears me crying. The choking bitter sobs that are escaping into my pillow. I can't say which is worse. Screaming for him not to die or crying for him to stay alive. I feel so hollow inside..

And then morning comes. The cycle starts again. I'm exhausted.

Everyone at S.T.A.R. casts their worried stares my way hoping to lure me into some conversation about my feelings. They're worried. They know I'm not sleeping well. Joe has undoubtedly told them. Also, I've been just too quiet. I feel like all the words are a waste because not one of them can change the past. Not one word will bring him back, but they're waiting. They want me to get better. They want me to by myself again. They just don't realize. They could never know. That part of me isn't here anymore. So I fake it. I shoot them my brightest smile and bring that oh so charming warmth to my voice. I talk about anything and everything until they feel at ease and then I'm gone. You can't be this empty and pretend to be fine that long. I get off to myself in the training room and crank the treadmill up as high as it can go. I try to exhaust myself to the point I can skip right over the dreaming to the deathlike slumber on the other side. That's where I am now when I hear the light tapping on the window and a soft voice calling my name.

"Barry?" I turn the treadmill down to a fast walk before speaking.

"Yeah, Cait?"

"We're getting ready to head home. Cisco's going to drop me off." I nod my head acknowledging her. "Will you be alright?" I could hear the hesitation in her voice. The unasked question lingering in the air. _Do you want me to stay?_ I plaster on a tired smile.

"I was just finishing up. I'll walk you guys out." I could see the mixed emotions on her face. I didn't quite answer her question. Yet, if I'm headed home then at least I'll be getting some rest. She smiled warmly at me.

"We'll wait for you to get changed then." She turned to go, leaving the door cracked open. I quickly changed out of my suit into my day clothes meeting Cisco and Caitlin in the cortex. We shut everything down and head out. Cisco locks up and we all hug our goodbyes.

I'm home before I know it, sliding my key into the lock. Before I even turn the key, the door is jerked open, handle, key, and all from my palm. Bright brown eyes, full lips spread in a wide smile, dark waves cascading down shoulders...Iris. She engulfs me in suffocating hug. It's so tight I'm starting to get flashbacks of some of the previous nights' dreams. I gently pull back offering up a happy smile instead.

"Iris, what are you doing here?"

"Dad and Wally ordered pizza and invited me over. Come in already, they got your favorite too."

I take a few steps in. Iris closes the door behind me. Joe and Wally are setting the table with a decent stack of pizza boxes and some plates. My stomach churns.

"Alright," Joe starts rubbing his hands together. Iris and Wally gather closer to the table. I am still hanging back about midway from the stairs. "We got Super Meaty Supreme for Me and Wally, Veggie Delight for Iris, and Pepperoni, Black Olives, and Jalapenos for Barry." Wally let out a woot and Iris was clapping her hands. They were all smiling, so genuinely happy, I felt so out of place. "Barr?"

"What?"

"Well, don't just stand there, Son. Come eat."

"Wow. I uh-" They're disappointed. Their happy smiles starting to fade. I'm not hungry. Not really, but I don't want them to worry. I don't want to ruin their happiness with my pain. Well, here we go again. " Uh- I don't know where to start." I sprinkle some lighthearted laughter in my voice. They are full on beaming now. Disappointment erased. "I kinda got some work to catch up on, you mind if I take it upstairs?" I cross the remaining few feet to the table sorting through the boxes.

"You don't want to eat with us?" Iris looks at me disappointment flowering across her face again.

 _Yes._ "Sorry, not tonight. I really got to catch up on some paperwork and it's already pretty late." She hangs her head for a minute and then seemingly shakes it off.

"Ok," she says smiling tenderly. She doesn't push me further, and for that I am grateful.

I take my share of the pizza with a soda and jog upstairs. I enter my room and rest everything on my desk. I can hear the soft talk and light laughter floating up the stairs. I'm relieved I didn't ruin their cheer. I feel the exhaustion settle on me like a weight I can't escape. I lay across the bed staring up at the ceiling. I remember thinking that finally after my dad was released from jail for being falsely accused, that we could finally live together like a family. I was so excited at the thought of finally getting that time with my Dad. Then, he told me he had to go. He needed me to tell him it was ok. It wasn't. I really wanted him to stay, so I lied. I let him go. He left me. I must of drifted off at some point because there he was. There he was, and here I am, and there was Zoom.

"Please. Don't" I hear myself saying. Zoom just looks at me a devilish yet sympathetic look. "Please!"

"Son." My dad is talking but all I hear is white noise and then Zoom's hand is through his chest. He's falling and I'm falling. Zoom's there and unmoving looking down at me.

"Dad! No! Please.. not again. Not again. DAD!"

Zoom picks me up dragging me away from my father. He slams me against the wall. His arms are holding me in place shaking me violently. I'm screaming and he's calling out my name in this taunting voice.

"Barry! Barry!"

"Stop!" I'm screaming desperately. I close my eyes tight to block out his face.

"Barry! Wake up, Son!" My eyes are open. I'm staring up into frantic brown eyes. Joe is staring back down at me worriedly.

"Joe?" My voice is smaller than I intended it to be. Weak with sleep and dreaming. I heave a sigh. "Joe."

"You ok?" He let's go of me but not completely as I start to sit up. I lean forward dropping my head in my hands for a moment. I take a few deep breaths.

"Yeah. I'm good." I look up at the clock to see it's four am. I heave another sigh. " I'm good, Joe. Go back to bed." Joe backs away slowly studying me. He quietly heads for the door, when suddenly he turns back to me.

"Barr, you know if you ever need anything. Anything..."

 _"_ I know. Thanks. I promise. I'm good." Joe nods his head and leaves. I lay back on my bed once again. Four more hours until work.

The cycle repeats itself once again.


	2. Chapter 2

Joe sat quietly at his desk at the CCPD looking over some files that were left there just this morning. A new series of late night robberies from various warehouses have been identified. As of right now there wasn't much evidence as to who was behind it, what they were looking for, or if it was meta-associated. He sighed at all the missing pieces of the puzzle as he picked up his mug to take another heavy swig of coffee. Nights with Barry this past month after Henry's death have been pretty tough. Barry looked more and more worn out with the passing of each day. He knew he wasn't sleeping. It was also evident that he wasn't eating well either. It didn't escape Joe's attention last night as he checked on Barry. The pizza and soda were left untouched on his desk. It also didn't surprise Joe to see the same items in the outside garbage bin this morning. Joe rubbed at his brow. He would give anything to take away Barry's pain. It was killing him to watch his adoptive son retreat further and further into himself, hiding behind a smile and laugh that isn't real.

"Dad?" Iris's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He looked up as she strode into the office. She rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you ok?"

"Just another long night, Baby girl."

"Work or Barry?"

"I just wish I knew how to help him. He's not sleeping, Iris. He's not eating enough. He's running himself ragged and sooner or later..he's...he's going to get himself killed." Iris rubbed her dad's shoulder trying to sooth his growing anxiety. "Maybe you could talk to him?" Iris's hand stopped it's soothing motion.

"Dad, I don't think..."

"I know things aren't all there between you two right now, and I know it might be hard for the both of you. He needs to let someone in, Iris, and in the past it's always been you." Iris sighed, but looking at her worried father, she agreed. He was right. When Barry first came to live with them, he only seemed to ever open up or relax with her. She hoped that after all this, it hadn't changed.

"Sure, Dad. I'll try talking to him." He smiled a sad thank you patting her hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't mean to dump all my worries on you like that. What brings you here?"

"Not too much. Just checking on two of my favorite guys." Joe raised his brow knowingly.

"And... to see if there had been any update on the warehouse break ins." At this Joe shook his head.

"Nothing yet. No motive. No security footage. Not even a finger print. Nothing."

"Have you tried checking with Cisco and Caitlin?"

"No. We don't even know if it is meta-related."

"That doesn't stop them from being some of the smartest people we know. They may notice something you didn't."

"There really isn't much to go on, Baby Girl. Without more substantial evidence, there's really nothing for them to look into." Joe glanced over at the clock and down again at his watch. He started rising from his desk gathering his things together. "I got to get moving. There are a few people I need to speak with to review their statements, and I have a meeting this evening with Captain Singh." He turned pulling her into a quick hug and started heading for the door. He turned back for a short moment hesitating looking between her and the staircase leading up to the forensic labs. She nodded with a smile.

"Go. Don't worry. I'll talk to him." Joe shook his head and made his way towards the elevators.

After watching her father disappear behind the double doors of the elevator, Iris turned her gaze towards the staircase. _Well, here we go,_ Iris thought to herself. She made her way out of her dad's office and up the stairs towards the forensic lab. The door to the lab was shut, which was a rarity. She ignored it though, slowly sliding it open. The room was brightly lit from the sun that filtered through the skylight and various windows. She slowly scanned the room until her eyes fell on the sleeping form of Barry slumped over his desk. She approached him quietly, careful not to disturb him. She perched herself on the edge of his desk studying him. She hadn't realized just how much he's changed in just under a month. His hair was a bit longer hanging limply over his forehead. His arms pillowed under his head and his face looked thinner than before. There were dark shadows under his once bright eyes and a very light thin layer stubble under his chin. He didn't look outright wrecked, but he's definitely had better days. She reached over sliding her fingers lightly through his hair brushing stray strands out of his eyes. He hardly even stirred at her touch continuing his slow even breathing. She hated to wake him.

"Barry?"

"Hmm," His brow furrowed a bit as a sleepy whine escaped his lips. Iris smiled at him. She really didn't want to wake him.

"Barry." She spoke a little louder gently patting his sleeping form on the shoulder rousing him further. His eyes cracked open for a moment. He then squeezed them shut more firmly.

"Wha.. come on, Iris." He nuzzled deeper into his arms.

"Bartholomew Henry Allen, you better wake up before captain Singh comes in here to give you another earful." Barry popped upright taking in the scenery. He must have forgotten where he had nodded off. He looked up at Iris perched on the edge of the desk smiling down on him. He buried his face in his palms elbows resting on his desk trying to rub the sleep away.

"What are you doing here," he mumbled out between his palms.

"I wanted to see if maybe you'd like to grab some lunch?" His hands dropped from his face slightly pink and spotted. She could see his gears starting to turn towards a possible excuse. She decided to cut him off before he even began. "Barry we've hardly spent any time together in the past month. I know you said you needed time, and trust me I respect that. I'm worried about you, though. And, I miss my best friend." She felt her eyes tearing up. Her words were honest. She really missed him. The time that they've spent apart has been really rough on her. She hated seeing him suffer in silence and alone. By some miracle of a chance her words must have struck home because he nodded his head in agreement before replying.

"Okay. Let's grab some lunch." He gave a small smile that wasn't quite full but not altogether empty or fake. She hopped off his desk and extended her hand out to him. He rose from his chair grabbing his jacket off its back. He took her hand wrapping his long fingers around hers and they left.

It wasn't long before Barry and Iris found themselves sitting at a table clutching two coffees in their hands at the warm and familiar Jitters. As they waited for their food to arrive, Iris was surprised how the quiet had settled between them. She found herself a little nervous and unsure how to begin. It was a surprise to hear Barry break the silence first.

"How have you been?"

"Alright. It's been a bit crazy at the CCPN. There seems to be a rise in meta related attacks over the past month, but they've been wrapped up so quickly its hard for the headlines to keep up. The deadlines will be the death of me." He smiled into his coffee taking another sip. "What about you? How have you been lately?"

"It's been rough." He admitted in a soft voice. "I am trying, Iris. I really have been, but it's been rough."

"Dad says you haven't been sleeping much." Barry shook his head.

"I can't close my eyes without watching it happen all over again," he said laying his coffee on the table. Iris covered his hand with hers. " And sometimes...being in that house..." he shook his head not finishing his sentence.

"What, Barry." He looked up at her with with pain filled eyes. He pulled his hand back from hers letting it fall into his lap. His eyes fell back into his cup. "Sometimes being there reminds me of everything I've lost. I only came to live with you guys because I lost my mother. Right now, I feel like I'm only there because I lost my father too."

"Barry, that's not true."

"Iris."

"Barry you are apart of our family. You belong there just as much as me or Wally." Just then, their food arrived momentarily pausing their conversation. The waitress with long dark hair and bright green eyes laid their food before them. She made sure they had everything they needed before quickly leaving the two alone.

"Iris, I know. I know you guys love me. I do, but.. When I look at you guys. You look whole and happy. I don't feel like I can be apart of that. At least not right now. Sometimes it still feels so raw. Sometimes standing in that room I can still see my dad's face right before Zoom took him."

"Barry..." Iris felt her voice breaking. She had no idea he had these feelings about them or what used to be their home.

"Iris, I'm not really sure how I can move on as long as I'm still there."

"Barry, what are you saying? Your place is with us. We are still your family. We aren't complete without Barry Allen." She could feel him shutting down. He started to rise. "Barry..."

"I'm sorry, Iris. I should really get back to CCPD. I'm sorry." Barry left the cafe speeding off into a blur just outside the doors. She looked down at the untouched food and half-empty cups. _Me too,_ she thought to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

It was an early morning at S.T.A.R. Labs. Caitlin clicked her way across the cortex setting her bags down at her desk. Cisco hadn't quite made it yet. She hoped he'd be there soon accompanied with a small tray of coffee and snacks for them to share. She decided to go ahead and start the morning routine of flipping on switches and turning on monitors for the day. She headed to the med-bay and switched on the lights. She nearly jumped out of her skin seeing the body of a young man laying on the gurney. He groaned a familiar groan she knew. This is the second morning in a row that she had stumbled in on him using the med-bay as his own personal bedroom.

"Jeez! Barry Allen!"

"Morning?" He sat up sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"What are you doing here so early? Did you pass out after training to long on the treadmill again," she asked worriedly offering up the same excuse he gave her yesterday. He shook his head in denial.

"No."

"So what's up. Why aren't you sleeping at home?" She pulled up a rolling stool to the bed and sat down on it. It looked like a classic doctor patient scene except the wounds he was suffering from weren't physical but emotional.

"I'm having a hard time sleeping there. I can't seem to shake the memory of that night. Either I'm up thinking about it, or I'm reliving it in a nightmare." Caitlin sat pondering his dilemma. It made her think back to when she had thought she lost Ronnie the first time. How everything changed for her. The space they shared was hollow, empty, and frightening. She couldn't sleep there. She spent a lot of nights crashing at Cisco's who was just happy to have some company. Then the idea stuck her.

"What about a change of scenery?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well before Ronnie died, the first time, we shared an apartment together. After I lost him, it was really hard for me to stay there alone. It wasn't really until after I found another place that I started to feel more at peace with everything."

"You think I should move out of Joe's?"

"I'm just saying that maybe right now, it isn't the best place for healing."

"Maybe."

"Are you working today?"

"No, not really. Until we get more evidence for some of the other cases, my work is kinda on hold."

"How about you and me grab some breakfast and check out a few places around town?"

"You want to help me go apartment hunting?"

"Yeah! It'll be great to get out. Get some fresh air. Do something different, you know?" Barry eyed her with slight amusement. The prospect of finding a new place did sound appealing. If Barry was being honest, it was filling him with a small sense of hope. He smiled at her.

"Let's do it."

Finding an acceptable liveable apartment was proving to be more complicated than expected. They had visited six different places already. Each one had it's own culmination of unidentifiable smells, sketchy neighbors, and poor upkeep. Despite the many failed attempts, Barry was feeling a lot better about the whole idea. He actually worked up an appetite.

"You wanna take a break? Grab some lunch?"

"Maybe a pair of walking shoes too? I'm not sure how the aspect of WALKING escaped my attention while suggesting this idea. Heels are definitely not the right shoes for this." Caitlin rubbed at her ankles where the straps were cutting into them. Barry grinned down at her. He quickly swooped her up and sped her over to Jitters. "Next time a little warning, will you?" She tried taming her loose wind blown curls.

"I thought the less walking the better." She was happy to see Barry smiling and feeling a bit lighter. She was happy to finally find a way to cheer him up.

Barry found himself in the same seat he sat before two days earlier with Iris. He was struck with the pain of guilt for leaving like he did that day. Saying everything and then leaving like that was kind of a jerk thing to do. His thoughts were interrupted by dark hair and green eyes. She was the same waitress he realized that served them last time. She took his and Caitlin's order a little hesitantly eying the two a little cautiously and zipped away behind the counter.

"Is it just me or was that a little awkward?" Caitlin questioned.

"Maybe just a smidgen?" Before they could continue the dark haired girl was back.

"Um excuse me sir?" Barry looked up at her. "Uh. You were here the other day right? You were with another girl?"

"Wait if your thinking that he and I... are.. no. You're mistaken," Caitlin rushed to interject.

"No! No. Nothing like that. It's just you two left the other day without touching your food. I was a little concerned that I got something wrong and offended you guys somehow. My manager was a little upset and I just wanted to apologize."

"No. Sorry. It wasn't you at all. Something had come up and just didn't have time to eat. I'm Barry and this is my friend Caitlin." Barry held out his hand. The dark haired girl returned the gesture.

"I'm Stephanie. Nice to meet you," she said with a smile.

"Stephanie we're trying to find a nice place for Barry to live. Do you happen to know of any apartment vacancies?"

"Not really. Not off the top of my head..." her voice faded out as her attention was drawn to young man coming through the door. He was tall and thin. His blonde hair was clipped closely at the sides. The top of his hair draped down over one side spiking in various directions. "Cameron?!" The girl quickly left the table practically tackling the young man as he approached. "Oh my gosh! Cameron? When did you get in?"

"Just now, really."

"You just get in and the first thing you do is come see me?"

"Well, you've been going on and on about your new job for months, I thought I would drop by and see you in action." The girl beamed up at him.

Barry and Caitlin watched with mild amusement at the exchange between the two. It reminded Barry of when he first woke from his nine month long coma. He saw Iris for the first time again right here in Jitters. His mind then flashed to lunch with her two days ago. Replaying the two moments in his head side by side sent another wave of guilt washing over him. Stephanie returned to Barry and Caitlin's table for just a moment to make sure that everything was alright. She then excused herself to the back of the counter. She must have gotten permission to take a short break because she was out again walking over to her old friend who had taken a seat next to the window about two tables away. Caitlin and Barry ate and chatted for while thinking of other possible locations. The searching seemed to be leading to a dead end.

"Maybe we should call it a day?" Barry offered. He appreciated Caitlin for taking it upon herself to help him find a place, but it could take weeks. He didn't want to torture her poor ankles much longer. Caitlin let out a defeated sigh. They stood up and started gathering their things leaving a tip at the table. Stephanie was still energetically chatting up her friend as they were heading out the door. She did give a short wave goodbye before returning to her conversation.

"So, where do we go from here?" Caitlin and Barry were standing at the busy street in front of the coffee shop.

"I don't really know. I guess I could drop by CCPD to check for any updates on the cases before I patrol tonight."

"Barry, do you ever take a night off?"She asked him, but she already knew the answer. He let out a breathy laugh.

"Do you?"

"I'm just saying that it could be very beneficial to your HEALTH to take a break every now and then." He bobbed his head in agreement.

"Hey, excuse me?" Both Caitlin and Barry looked up to see someone approaching them. They recognized him as the young blonde man who was speaking with Stephanie. His long amble strides were closing the gap between them. He was sporting a clean pair of black converse sneakers and dark blue jeans with fraying patches in various places. He wore what looked like a band branded black T-shirt that Barry was sure he'd never heard of under a tan wool winter jacket. He stood a little taller than Barry studying the two with strikingly soft green eyes. "Hey, my friend in there said you guys were looking for an apartment?"

"He's looking for an apartment," Caitlin clarified not wanting to give the newcomer the wrong impression."

"Hey, I'm Barry." Barry offered his hand to him, but the gesture wasn't very warm or welcoming.

"I'm Cameron, nice to meet you." He shook Barry and Caitlin's hands. "I actually know a place not to far from here. If you'd like, I can show you." Caitlin turned to Barry giving a surprised but 'why not?' look. Barry just shook his head.

"Thanks, but we were about to call it quits for the day." Caitlin looked at Barry puzzled and disappointed.

" _What are you doing?!"_ She was screaming with her eyes.

"Got 'cha. Sorry to bother you." Cameron smiled politely ducking his head as he turned to leave. Caitlin stared between the two boys a growing distance between them. She spun around on Barry with eyes demanding an explanation.

"What?" Barry hunched up his shoulders in confusion.

"What was that? We've been searching all day." Caitlin sounded slightly exasperated.

"Yeah, Cait, I know. We don't even know that guy, though."

"He was just trying to be nice and helpful. I did ask Stephanie if she knew of any places."

"Yeah, I get that, but you can't trust any stranger that just walks up to you offering help with a smile. That's how you get taken advantage of Caitlin. That's how people get hurt." Caitlin looked at him noting the hardened look in his eyes. She knew he had a point given recent events, but she just couldn't shake the thought that this could be just what they were looking for all day long. She refused to let today's hard efforts in taking Barry's healing in the right direction go to waste. She touched his arm giving him an understanding squeeze.

"It's just an apartment, Barry. Getting a helpful suggestion on a place to live is not the same as trusting him with the fate of the world." Barry blew out a breath. She could see the hardened look dissipate and his resolve melting. She gave a reassuring smile. "It'll be ok. Trust me."

Barry and Caitlin jogged to catch up with Cameron who had just made it to the corner at the end of the block. Caitlin was really regretting it by the time she caught up to him. _Never again in heels,_ she chided herself. Cameron was speaking on his cell as they arrived holding up a finger signaling just a minute. He nodded into his phone closing his other ear to the street noise.

"Ok. Sure.. That's fine. I'll meet you after your meeting is over. Ok. See you then." Cameron turned his attention back to Barry and Caitlin eying them with curiosity. Barry spoke up first.

"Sorry about earlier, man. It's been kind of a long day. I wasn't trying to offend you or anything."

"None taken really. I'm pretty used to being brushed off, so its ok." Barry rubbed the back of his neck guiltily at Cameron's words.

"Sorry... If you are still open to it. We'd love to see it." Cameron looked at the time on his phone and looked around a bit at the street signs.

"Sure. It's about a ten minute walk. Just a few blocks down really and to the left." He looked at Caitlin and then down to her shoes. "You sure you're up for that? I could call a cab."

"No, its fine. Really." Her smile was a little strained, but thankfully they walked at a slow pace. Barry wrapped an arm around her offering a little support. She appreciated it. She decided to distract herself by getting to know their guide. "So, what brings you to Central City?"

"My dad."

"Here visiting?" Cameron nodded a sweet grin on his face. " Aw, that's sweet."

"Yeah, I guess so. I hadn't really seen him in a long time."

"Is that who you were talking to on the phone a while ago?"

"Yeah.

"How long have you been away?" Cameron looked at Caitlin with a familiar look in his eyes. Pain. Loss. Something she'd seen many times reflected in the eyes of her friend next to her. He faced forward eyes dipping a little to the ground.

"Its been about two years."

"That's a while."

"Yeah. Well, after the particle accelerator exploded my mom got pretty sick. We moved to California with my Uncle Mike, her younger brother. My dad wouldn't come. He said he couldn't leave work. After a bunch of false diagnosis and unnecessary treatment, she passed away last year." Caitlyn could feel Barry's fingers slightly digging into her shoulder. He had been quietly listening to conversation beside him. No doubt the loss was hitting pretty close to home.

"Oh, Cameron. I am so sorry to hear that." He just shrugged his shoulders in response.

"My dad finally came out for the funeral. I was so pissed at him. He didn't visit once while she was sick. We got into a pretty big fight. Both said some things we probably never should have said." He was shaking his head back and forth recalling it. They turned left at the next corner walking down a wider street. "I decided to stay there with my Uncle Mike. Dad came back here. Then all of a sudden out of the blue he calls me. He said he was sorry and wanted to start over. He actually told me that he missed me. Evidently you guys had it pretty rough here in Central City a couple of months back. Some psycho calling himself Zoom or something terrorizing the city? The Flash finally got him and saved the day?" Caitlin felt another sharp dig of fingers in her shoulder at the mention of Zoom. She glanced at Barry whose face had started draining of color. She reached up and squeezed his hand. "My dad said it got really bad here for a while. He said all he could think about was that he didn't want to die with things like that between us about mom. So, I decided to come down and visit him."

"That's really great, Cameron." He bobbed his head happily grinning at her. They stopped in front of a very tall building with several floors.

"Here we are." Caitlin couldn't help but crane her neck upward at the site. She glanced over at Barry who too was gazing up at it. Caitlin counted at least eight floors. There were ton's of windows and fire-escapes snaking down the side of the building. Cameron waved an arm leading them inside. Caitlin was thankful when they were directed towards the elevator. Cameron tapped the button labeled 8 and with a jolt the elevator pulled them upward.

"So how did you find out about this place?" Barry spoke up for the first time since agreeing to take Cameron up on his offer.

"It used to be my old place when I lived here."

The elevator ground to a halt opening into a very clean hallway. The walls were a very light charcoal gray with four white doors lining the halls. Cameron led them all the way to the end of the hall to a door marked thirty-seven. He took out a loose set of keys and slid one into the lock. He turned the nob pushing the door ajar. He entered in first switching on lights. Barry and Caitlin rounded the small corner from the door way totally awestruck. The room opened up to a very immaculate loft. The hardwood floors were clean and pristine. There was a beautiful modern nook of a kitchen. There was a beautiful dining table to the left. A cherry wood desk closer to the wall. Further back there was a large round about couch that looked comfy and barely used. There were a few other cherry wood furnishings here and there. A few end tables and bookshelves. Even with the few items described, it still didn't make up for how spacious it was.

"You want to move out... of here?" Barry sounded utterly awestruck. Cameron just chuckled.

"I have a few other places I prefer to spend my time." They stared at Cameron dumbfounded.

"You're kidding."

"If my place was half as nice as this, I'd never want to leave." Caitlin took a seat on the comfy looking couch. She welcomed the feel of the soft plush cushions enveloping her entire body. She sighed in satisfaction.

"How much is the rent here?" Barry asked mentally preparing for a ridiculous amount.

"I don't pay rent here." Barry cocked his head to the side in confusion. Caitlin turned around to look at the two of them. "My dad owns this building. He owns his own realty company and owns several properties throughout the area.

"There's no way I could afford this."

"Hey man, you never know." Barry just shook his head in response. This place was amazing, but he couldn't imagine himself with something like this. A home of his own like this. It was already practically perfect and surprisingly enough suited his taste.

"Hey Cameron. Any chance I can borrow your restroom? Too much coffee." Caitlin blushed a little embarrassed.

"Hey, yeah. It's right through that door back there. Left is the bedroom and closet. Right is the bathroom. Can't miss it." Caitlin quickly exited following Cameron's directions. Barry continued to wander around the apartment taking in every detail. Cameron studied him closely. To him Barry seemed a bit off. The guy had barely spoken throughout most of their conversations. His eyes were a bit sullen with an occasional glow of emotion. His brow appeared forever creased in serious thought or something. His clothes hung a little loose and wrinkled around him like they were used to fitting a bit tighter. Barry must of felt Cameron's gaze on him because Barry turned meeting his gaze.

"What?" Barry asked. Cameron looked like he was about to say something, but his phone started ringing. He looked down at the number and back up to Barry.

"Excuse me I should take this." He turned heading towards the door taking his call into the hall. Caitlin emerged from the restroom eyes scanning the room for Cameron and Barry.

"He's outside. He had to take a call."

"So, what do you think?"

"I don't know, Cait. It's nice, but I don't know." Cameron suddenly re-entered the room moving rather quickly. He was fiddling with the keys trying to get them off the key ring.

"My dad just called. He's getting out of the meeting early. I need to run. Here." He pushed the keys into Barry's hands. "Feel free to check the place out as long as you'd like. If you think it's a good fit. Great. You can keep all the furniture and stuff that's here if you want. If not you can toss it or whatever you like. If you decide you don't like it just give the keys to Stephanie at that coffee shop. 'Kay?"

"Uh... Sure."

"Alright then. See ya." Cameron rushed out of the room running his hands through his hair. If Caitlin didn't know any better, she would have thought he seemed nervous. Maybe that's what not talking after two years will do to you. Caitlin turned her attention to Barry who stood there staring down at the keys in his hands.

"Barry?"

"This is crazy, isn't it?"

"You don't have to rush into anything, Barry." Caitlin patted Barry on the shoulder. "Just, at least, think about it." Barry nodded his agreement. He would think about it.


	4. Chapter 4

Iris slowly strolled into the Cortex at S.T.A.R. Labs. She had been looking for Barry all day. Her dad said that Barry hadn't been home in two days. She checked his job, but he was out until further evidence is obtained. There were still sightings of the Flash around town, so she knew he had to at least come here. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to be here either. In fact, the only person that seemed to be here was Cisco typing furiously onto his keyboard.

"Hey Cisco, have you seen Barry?"

"Barry? You mean my best friend, Barry? Who I have been trying to get out of the house for a month to cheer up, Barry? Who instead goes behind my back and spends a day out with Caitlin? You mean that Barry?"

"Um. Yeah. I guess that would be the one."

"No. Haven't seen him."

They heard footsteps sounding up the hall. They both turned expecting to see the man in question. Joe made his way into the Cortex and was caught of guard by the irritated sighs that were expelled at his arrival.

"Okay. Does anybody want to share what's going on?

"It's nothing Dad. Barry isn't here either. Evidently he's out with Caitlin." At the mention of their names, they could hear more footsteps sounding up the hall accompanied by voices and light laughter.

"Sounds like the two traitors coming in now," Cisco scoffed crossing his arms over his chest. Caitlin and Barry entered the cortex with bright eyes and warm smiles. Cisco squinted his eyes shaking his head in disapproval.

"Hey, guys." Barry tried smile faltering just a bit.

"Barry where have you been? Dad says you haven't been home in two days. What? You just take off without telling anyone?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I just needed some time to clear my head."

"Well, it must have helped, Son. You seem...better?" Joe looked at Iris with eyes that begged her to wait a minute.

"Yeah actually." He looked back at Caitlin who gave him a reassuring nod. He turned his attention back to the group. "I'm thinking about getting my own place."

"Wow. That's great, son!" Joe walked over to Barry slapping his hand into a shake. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I think so." Joe pulled Barry in for a tight hug. A since of relief seemed to wash over him. Barry really wasn't sure how Joe would take the news. Iris, on the other hand, was frowning at the two of them. Caitlin walked over to a pouting Cisco off to the side.

"I'm guessing you had something to do with this," Cisco questioned her quietly mock irritation in his voice.

"Just a few words to encourage a friend." She bent down to rub her aching ankles. "It came at a cost, too." Cisco smiled down at her. She rose up bumping her shoulder lightly with his.

"Nice work." He draped his arm over her shoulders watching the exchange between Barry and Joe. The two men turned back to Iris who was shaking her head in disapproval.

"Iris?" Barry took a few steps towards her, but she immediately held up her hand stopping him. "I don't get it. Why are you so upset?"

"Barry, you've been isolating yourself for weeks. You barely talk to anyone, eat, or sleep. How is this not just another means to push us away?"

" It's not. Listen, I told you I was having a hard time, Iris. Getting my own place could help make things easier for me."

"You're having a hard time, because you keep pushing everyone away."

"What exactly do you want me to do, Iris? You want me to crawl in your lap and cry like I did when I was ten?" Joe reached forward placing a hand on Barry's shoulder trying to calm him down.

"It'd be better than you bottling everything up inside avoiding your own feelings."

"If moving out will give the boy some peace, who are we to deny him that."

"Barry doesn't feel like he's apart of our family anymore, Dad. He thinks he's still with us only because we feel sorry for him. That's why he's moving out."

"That's not what I said."

"In not so many words."

Cisco and Caitlin just watched wide eyed as the tension between them began to rise. Caitlin really hadn't expected Barry's desire for a change in his living environment could explode into emotional warfare. She felt a small twinge of guilt for suggesting it in the first place. Suddenly an alarm sounded throughout the Cortex. Cisco pulled up the alert on the computer.

"Robbery in progress at 7th and 9th avenue." Barry immediately grabbed his suit and flashed out of the room without a word. Caitlin and Cisco opened a line over the comms to communicate with Barry as he went. Iris stood there, her anger leaving her breathless. Joe approached her, arms stretching out to rest on her shoulders.

"Baby girl, what has gotten into you? Are you really that upset about Barry moving out?"

"Dad, I don't know. I am worried."

"Worried about what? Barry is more than capable of taking care of himself."

"No, not that. I'm worried that he'll forget about everything he still has. EveryONE he still has. If we aren't there to remind him, how will he find his way back to us, dad...to me."

"There's nothing in this world that would make Barry Allen forget about you. That boy has been in love with you long before he even knew what love was, but right now, I think he needs this. For the first time since he lost Henry, Barry looked lighter. He smiled, Iris. Just being there while he works through this is enough. One morning, before you know it, he's going to wake up. The loss won't be as hard, and he'll realize he's ready for more out of life. Who do you think he'll come looking for." Iris teared up at her dad's words. She knew she was letting all her insecurities about Barry's feelings get the best of her. She promised to wait for him, but she didn't realize how hard that would be. She wrapped her arms around her dad in a warm embrace. He brushed her hair down with his hand in a comforting gesture.

"It's taken care of," Barry's voice could be heard through the comms. "Not meta-related."

"Where are you headed now," Caitlin asked riddled with concern. The tracker showed he wasn't heading back in the direction of the lab.

"Not coming back right now. Need to clear my head." With that the comm switched to dead silence signaling that they had been disconnected. Cisco sighed.

"Back to square one."


	5. Chapter 5

After spending a great deal of time running to clear his head, Barry realized it was becoming foggier. He decided to switch into his day clothes and slow down for a while. He walked aimlessly, without direction thinking over the past few days. He didn't realize what damage he was doing to his family while he worked through his pain. He thought he was making his decision with a clear mind and sound judgment. Distance would help him heal. After hearing Iris's accusations, he wasn't so sure. Was it really just an excuse to be alone. To suffer alone. To not have to deal with the burden of pretending to be ok. _I'm not ok. I don't know how to be ok, anymore._ If moving out really was just an excuse to be alone, was it really the right thing to do? Would the distance drive them apart. He felt the keys rattling in his jeans. He pulled them out thumbing over them in his palm. _Maybe, I had the wrong idea after-all._ Barry clasped his hand around the keys in his palm racing over to Jitters. He would return the keys to Stephanie and go back.

Barry walked into Jitters striding up to the counter. He looked for the dark haired girl, but she was nowhere to be found. He scanned the dining area chairs and tables, but there was still no sight of her. There was, however, a spiky set of blonde locks tucked behind a computer screen at a table in the far back next to the window. Barry couldn't be sure, but he believed he recognized the man as Cameron from earlier. He slowly approached coming to a stop at a nearby table. Sure enough, it was Cameron. _Isn't he supposed to be meeting his dad?_ Cameron happened to look up then, his soft green eyes latching onto Barry's. His eyes searched Barry's face. After a minute or so his brows rose with recognition.

"Barry?" He said the name slowly as if asking if he got it right.

"Yeah. That's me."

"Well, hey man. You wanna join me?"

"I thought you were supposed to be meeting with your dad."

"I was. Apparently by the time I got there, there was another unexpected change of plans. He was invited to dinner by the client."

"Sorry, man."

"It's good. I'll be in town for a few more days. Hopefully we can get together soon." Cameron's expression looked hopeful, but his tone conveyed more. _Unlikely._ "So what brings you here? Are you another coffee addict? I tell you, I've seen the same guy come in here about four times already. Seriously, that can't be healthy."

"Ah, no actually." Barry dangled the apartment keys in the air. "I actually came to return these." Cameron looked at him puzzled.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I don't think I'll be needing it." Barry stepped forward trying to hand Cameron the keys. He didn't accept them. He stood up from the table walking around to Barry's side.

"What changed your mind?" Barry smiled a little awkwardly.

"I don't know. I guess I felt like I was moving for the wrong reasons." Barry tried again to hand Cameron the keys, who this time, accepted them. He sat back on the table top still studying Barry with a puzzled expression. "Thanks. It's a really nice place. I honestly probably couldn't have afforded it anyway." Barry turned to leave. He managed to pass up two tables before he heard Cameron's voice calling after him.

"Two-fifty." Barry turned back to him, face wrought with confusion.

"What?"

"The rent. It's two-fifty."

"That's impossible."

"It's very possible."

"Why would you do something like that."

"Does it make you reconsider?" Barry stared at the man before him.

"What do you get out of it?" Cameron sighed at the question.

"Nothing. It's not really about me."

"Then why are you pushing so hard for me to take it."

"I saw your face earlier. I can tell how much you really like it, so I know it isn't because of poor taste. You keep mentioning the price, but you don't really look like a guy who spends much time worrying about money. And, if I'm just being honest with you, you kinda look like hell, man. Whatever you're going through isn't going to change just by standing still. If you need to make a change. Make it, and don't let anyone talk you out of it. Two-fifty." Cameron lifted the keys towards Barry once again. Barry felt himself slowly reaching for the keys. He couldn't figure out why Cameron was so adamant about him taking it, or why it mattered to him, a perfect stranger. He couldn't deny his need though. He didn't think he could get away with another night sleeping in the Cortex. He was too uncomfortable with the thought of going home. He needed a place to rest. Undisturbed and alone. A moment of peace. After his hand finally clasped around the keys he looked up at Cameron.

"This is insane."A big smile spread across Cameron's face.

"Insanity, as I've been told, is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I commend you on your first step towards being psychologically sound." Barry laughed.

"Did you know that everyone attributes that phrase to Einstein, but there are actually a lot of theories out there that speculate he may not have ever spoken those words."

"I have actually. Though, regardless of who said it, I think the statement holds some truth to it." Barry nodded in agreement. He hadn't felt the urge to divulge random facts in so long, it surprised him how easily it spilled out. He looked down at the keys in his hands. The prospect of change seemed to have already started its healing effects.

"What about all your stuff?"

"I told you to keep it if you like or toss it. I really never used the place that much. I'm not all that sentimentally attached." Barry was baffled at Cameron's either extreme generosity or complete lack of interest in material items. _Is this really what kind of guy he is?_ "I'll get everything squared away with the landlord. You are free to move in whenever you're ready." Cameron turned around and began gathering his belongings, sliding his laptop into its bag and slinging it over his shoulder. Upon realizing the young man was leaving, Barry realized he had yet to respond.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, man. Take care." Cameron slid past Barry heading towards the exit. He gave a wave at the other baristas and headed out the door. Barry watched him as he went. _Really, Cameron, thank you._


	6. Chapter 6

Barry quietly opened the door of the family home he shared with Joe, Wally, and now occasionally Iris. He made sure to quietly close and lock the door behind him. It was late into the evening, and he wasn't sure if anyone was still up. He peaked in the living room and saw that no one was there. He decided to make his way towards the steps, but stilled as he heard the key sliding into the lock behind him. Someone else was coming in. He turned around as the door opened not sure if it was Joe or Iris, and not really ready to confront either one. Wally entered the house slowly and quietly just as Barry had did only moments before. He stilled when he realized Barry was standing there at the bottom of the steps looking at him.

"Uh hey, man." Wally whispered.

"Hey, Wally."

"Were you heading out?"

"No actually. Just getting in too."

"Is dad home?" Barry shrugged his shoulders. "Oh. Ok." Wally walked over to the couch taking off his jacket and setting down his back pack. Barry turned to continue up the stairs, but Wally stopped him. "Hey, Barry?"

"Yeah?"

"You got a minute?" Barry took a few steps closer to Wally.

"Yeah. What's up?" Wally wrung his hands a little nervously. He hadn't really spoken to Barry that much since everything happened. He motioned to the couch and Barry followed striding forth to take a seat.

"Dad said you might be moving out."

"Yeah."

"Iris wasn't too happy about it."

"No she wasn't." Barry sighed.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you, I get it." Barry looked at him a little confused. "I mean. If you feel like you need to move, I get it. When my mom first died, I couldn't really stand to be at home. I wanted to be there, and I couldn't be there. I know you probably want to stay, and at the same time it hurts so much you feel you got to go."

"Yeah. That's exactly how it feels, Wally."

"I just wanted you to know that I won't hold it against you for leaving."

"Thanks, man." Wally slapped Barry's hand into a shake and then the boys pulled each other into a tight but brief hug. "Night, man."

"G'night." Wally stood up leaving his bag by the couch and headed up the stairs towards his room. Barry sat there a moment longer thinking about those few words of encouragement Wally shared. He knew it wasn't much, but those few words took a small bit of the weight off his chest.

Barry was still sitting on the couch where Wally had left him, when he heard the key sliding into the lock for a third time. The door opened quietly, but Joe's heavy boots could be heard on the hardwood floor. Barry watched as Joe closed and locked the door quietly behind him and bent down to slip off his shoes. Barry chuckled softly on the couch watching him drawing Joe's attention. He popped up suddenly eyes locking on the couch and Barry.

"What's so funny," he whispered.

"That apparently we are all night owls." Barry said in a normal tone. "Me and Wally just got in a few minutes ago too."

"Oh." Joe nodded. Then to clarify, "Together?"

"Oh no. Me first. Then him." Joe chuckled to himself. "You told him, about me moving?"

"Yeah. I thought he should know what to expect." Barry nodded his agreement. "How are you?" Joe turned the question on Barry still concerned about the previous fight.

"I think I'm good, Joe." A faint smile was on Barry's lips.

"Did you find a place?" Joe asked a little hesitantly unsure if it was still a sore subject.

"Actually, yeah. I did. It's incredible. Way more than I deserve."

"That's great, Barr. I hope the rent is good."

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Joe laughed.

"How much?"

"Two-fifty."

"Is it a death-trap like your other place?" Barry laughed shaking his head in an adamant 'No!' "That's good. You know if you need anything just let me or Wally know."

"Actually, I will probably start packing tomorrow, if you guys want to help."

"Sure." Joe smiled at him. "I'm heading on up. See if I can get a little shut eye before the morning. Just let me know when you're ready to start packing.

"Night, Joe." Joe ascended the stairs quickly and quietly. Barry heard the door to Joe's bedroom open and shut softly behind him. Barry thought he too should probably get to bed, so he rose from the couch and started shutting off the lights downstairs. He made is way over to the staircase. Just as he was about to ascend, he heard the light rattling of a key sliding into the lock for the fourth time tonight. The door slid open slowly and quietly. Iris slipped in locking eyes with Barry standing on the bottom step. She quietly closed the door behind her and stepped a little closer to him.

"Hey," she offered.

"Hey, Iris." Barry answered back confused.

"Is my dad home? Wally?"

"They both just headed up a little while ago." Barry studied her. It was pretty late. He didn't think she should be out alone. She stood there a little uneasy under his gaze fiddling with her keys. He finally spoke up. "Why aren't you at home. It's pretty late."

"I couldn't really relax at home. I couldn't stop thinking about earlier." Barry's brows rose with surprise. He stepped off the bottom step closing the gap between them a little. He pulled her hand into his and led her over to the couch. Once seated, she finally looked him straight in the eye a little teary eyed. "Barry, I'm sorry for getting upset with you earlier." Barry kept his eyes on her hand in his waiting for her to go on. Her palm was warm and somehow comforting to him. He didn't feel the need to pull away just yet. He looked up to see her big brown eyes watching him.

"It's ok." His voice was low and soft.

"I just don't want you to forget about all the people who still love you. I just don't want you to be alone. In your head or in your heart." She smiled at him a bit sadly. " I don't want you to forget about me."

"Iris, I would never do that. I couldn't even if I tried."

"O'kay, Barry Allen. I am holding you to that." She squeezed his hand in hers. "When do you think, you'll be moving?"

"Sometime tomorrow and Friday."

"Wow. That soon. I didn't realize you already found a place."

"Yeah. Caitlin and I met this guy, Cameron. He's kinda nice, I guess. He's letting me rent out his old place. I don't even have to really buy anything. Everything is already there."

"That's pretty nice of him."

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm happy for you, Barry." Iris looked down studying her hands in his.

"Thanks, me too."

They sat together like that for a while just staring at their hands clasped together. Iris looked up studying the side of Barry's face. Without thinking she leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Barry turned his head towards her. The kiss surprised him. His eyes bounced from her hair, to her eyes, to her nose, her mouth and back again. He felt her leaning closer. He didn't pull back, though he knew he should. His breath caught on an inhale as she closed the distance to his lips. Soft warmth pressed it's way into his mouth, and he felt stunned. He felt his body tensing up. There was so much need emanating from that kiss, he felt like it was breaking him. Her hand was no longer in his, but now resting lightly on the back of his neck. He felt her press him closer to her deepening the kiss. He didn't understand how this could be everything he wanted and not even close all at the same time. He wanted her warmth. He needed her comfort, but something in him wouldn't let him give in. It wouldn't let him relax and accept it. He felt himself pull away from her pulling her hand from his neck. He heard her whisper his name breathlessly, a question.

"Barry?" He just shook his head back and forth eyes not meeting hers. He just wanted to collapse into her. He was so tired, but whatever was holding him back just wouldn't break. "Barry, its ok," he heard her say. He looked up at her smiling down at him. She backed away from him scooting down towards the end of the couch. He stared at her unsure of her actions. She then leaned over catching his shirt at the shoulder pulling him downward. She didn't stop until the side of his body connected with couch and his head laid resting on her thigh. She didn't say anything. She just brushed her hands through his hair lightly and slowly. He turned so that he was laying on his back looking up at her his long legs dangled off the arm of the couch.

"Iris," he tried to say, but she shushed him. She leaned her head back resting on the back of the couch her fingers still playing in his hair. He felt the tension leaving him and his eyes grow heavier. Her breathing slowed as did his. Before either of them knew it, they both had drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Hey Everyone. I believe that will be it for the weekend. I will continue to work on it through the week and hopefully post a few more chapters next weekend. This is my first time writing for the public eye, so please comment and review. Thanks! I hope you enjoy. **Of course and always: I do not own the flash or any of its characters.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, all. I do apologize for the long delay. I hate not being a person of my word. I won't make excuses. I'll just let you know that there was an epic battle against a lawn mower. Also, like many and most others, school has started. I will try to update when I can. The story is already written in my head. Committing it to paper is another thing entirely. I halfway considered taking it down, but since at least two of you are interested, I'll try and keep it going to the end. Long chapter up ahead. Pace may be slow, but it will all pick up soon. Please enjoy.~~~SimpliRay**

* * *

Barry made short work of the moving process. Late Thursday morning Barry, Joe, and Wally packed all of Barry's most important items and clothes in various boxes. The mood was calm, lighthearted, and hopeful. They took a break and had an early lunch of Big Belly Burger. That afternoon Barry declined any further assistance with moving. He sped over all his things into his new place. Barry couldn't help but let out a relieved sigh. This was his new home, and it was pretty perfect

Barry took time to unpack his few things. Upon opening the first box he was surprised to see it filled with several carefully wrapped picture frames and a photo album. He didn't remember packing this one, and the three of them failed to mark which boxes were which. He brought the box over to the couch setting it down on the cherry wood coffee table that was before him. He took a seat and carefully began picking through the items. He found a note inside with a very familiar script of writing that he instantly recognized. _Iris._

' _I came by to see if I could help, but you guys were already out. I checked your things to make sure you had everything you needed and noticed that there was something missing. Something important that I didn't want you to leave behind. So here it is. I packed all our favorite pictures of us together over the years. You and me at the Central City Park, You and Dad at graduation, and you with your Mom and Dad. I know you are moving to start something new, but I want you to remember the family that has always in every way loved and supported you. You better take good care of yourself Barry...or I will find you and bring you home._

 _Love,_

 _Iris '_

Barry smiled warmly at the letter ending on threat for better living. That was just like her. He looked through the photos she sent him unwrapping them one at a time. He laid them all out on the coffee table and stared at them. He saw himself in the many different phases of his life. The innocent child with his loving parents. Bright eyes and full of smiles. Him and Joe. Proud smiles full of accomplishment. Him and Iris. Loving smiles. Whether it was from friendship then or apparently something more that grew stronger over the years, he wasn't sure. These pictures painted a beautiful story, but didn't show the dark times in between. His mother's murder. Father's false conviction. The strained relationship with Joe at the beginning. The psych visits and therapy during those harsh middle and and high school days. Eddie's death. Ronnie's death. His dad. He wondered if he would ever smile like that again. Would he ever feel that way again. _I hope so._

Barry hopped off the couch leaving the pictures in place on the table. He did his best to refocus on unpacking, leaving the negative thoughts behind. He ventured deeper into the apartment exploring the bedroom and bathroom. Both were large and spacious. A large window took up half of the back wall stopping midway down in the bedroom. Light poured into the space bouncing off the white walls. A mid sized desk with upper cabinets was tucked neatly in the corner on the left side of the room. The built in desk lamp could be accessed by the small chain beneath the cabinets. There was a king sized bed with a mix of black and white sheets and covers next to the desk. A night stand was on the other side of the bed. There was a nice size dresser and what he assumed was the walk in closet door on the right hand side. The bathroom was large with a double sink, bathtub, and shower stall. Everything was so clean there wasn't even any dirt or grout in the molding of the shower tiles. The whole place felt like the first time you check into your room at a hotel. The place seemed made to suit the comfort of anyone.

Barry took his time unpacking his things and finding appropriate places for them. It was kind of exciting having so many options to choose from. After everything was unpacked, he found himself arranging and rearranging things at super speed until it all settled into feeling like home. He smiled at his accomplishment sitting on the arm of the plush couch. He left for a while to do some shopping. Food, soap, and all the other necessities. He came back and after putting everything away decided to take a hot shower. He realized that he had forgotten to buy towels but was relieved when he had opened the cabinets. There were several towels already stocked. He took the longest shower of his life the feel of the hot water washing over him. He stepped out on the soft rug wrapping his towel around his waist and towel drying his damp hair. He wiped away the fog on the mirror and for the first time noticed the light but thickening stubble around his chin. He decided to take the time and trim up shaving himself back to the Barry he remembered. After a long while he exited the bathroom and crossed into his bedroom. He padded over to his dresser slipping out some light pajamas for the night. Boxers. Light sweats. A worn S.T.A.R. Labs t-shirt. Barry walked over to his bed pulling back the white comforter and slipped between the dark sheets. It was surprisingly comfortable and the whole house was quiet. He leaned back against the soft pillows and pulled the sheets up to his chest. He was tired from the day, but still a little anxious. Rarely for the past month had he been able to sleep fully through the night without waking up in panicked screams or soundless tears. Barry didn't know what to expect tonight. New place. Alone. Barry tried to shake off the negative thoughts. _Change is good,_ he thought to himself. _My first step towards sanity,_ he repeated Cameron's words beginning to take deep even breaths.

* * *

Darkness settled over the Mid-Central City Technical Supply Warehouse. The parking lot was deserted except for a few worn down vehicles that had already been sitting there for ages. There were a few light poles scattered throughout the lot that cast a yellowish gleam here and there. The thin security that had already made its round for the night was already headed back to check on two other facilities that it was assigned. A hooded figure in a dark trench coat approached the facility crossing to the back of the large building to the large double garage doors. The figure stepped close to the building analyzing the intricate locking mechanism that controlled the doors. He took his time pacing from one end to the other taking note of the three access panels that controlled the lock. He paused and as if coming to a conclusion stepped back a few paces. He raised his finger-less gloved hands before him in the direction of the door and focused. Suddenly the three access panels lit up with a green lights emanating from the screens. The garage doors slid open pulling upward to the ceiling of the facility. The hooded figure smirked and paced his way inside.

* * *

Barry didn't know when he fell asleep. As he opened his eyes he could see the light rays of sunlight filtering in to signal the start of a new day. He gave a sigh looking over at his watch that was laying on the night stand. Seven A.M. Seven A.M? He couldn't believe it. He actually slept through the whole night. No nightmare. He wasn't sure if he even dreamed at all. He was up an hour early and had plenty of time to get ready for work. He smiled and tossed back the covers excitedly. If this could be his new normal, he could definitely live with that.

The CCPD Precinct was in an uproar when Barry walked in. There was another warehouse break in last night. This time there was video evidence of the crime. The first real lead they had since the mysterious break ins got started. Everyone had gathered around the small TV to watch the security footage. Singh was at the forefront of the group with Joe not too far off to the side. Barry's eyes locked with Joe's who motioned him to come closer. Barry strode over to stand beside Joe as the captain started to address the officers.

"O'kay guys. This security footage was taken last night at around eleven pm. It isn't much, but it does give us a pretty clear idea what we may be dealing with." With that Captain Singh pressed play on his remote and the grainy footage began to play. Security footage showed a person, presumably male by his size and gait, approaching the rear garage doors of the building. The suspect paced in front of the doors inspecting them. He took a few paces back and held up his hands before the building. Suddenly the garage door was opening and the figure slipped inside. Captain Singh fast forwarded the tape from 11:10 pm to 11:29 pm. The figure was seen emerging from the building with seemingly nothing in hand. The footage ended after the suspect exited the scene somewhere off camera. The officers erupted into questions.

"So are we dealing with another meta?"

"Did the facility report anything stolen?"

"The guy was in there for 20 minutes. He had to have gotten out of there with something."

Captain Singh signaled for everyone to calm down and be quiet so he could address everyone's inquiries. "It is still unclear if we are dealing with a meta or not, but from the looks of the footage, I'd say that it's highly likely. As of right now we don't have any documentation of anything that was actually stolen. Evidently there are a variety of things being stored in that warehouse. Mid-Central City Technical is in the process of doing a detailed inventory check to identify if anything was stolen, until then we don't have to much more to go on. As of right now we are looking for a male roughly between the ages of late twenties and early forties, possible meta, roughly between 150 to 200 lbs. It isn't much, but let's keep our eyes open and our mouths shut. None of the other warehouses had video security before. Mid-Central Tech just had theirs recently installed. It's possible the perp doesn't even think we have any leads. It's only a matter of time before this guy slips up, so no one needs to go blowing our only possible advantage here. Joe, I know she's your daughter, but let's not let the media get wind of this." Joe made a sign over his lips like they were zipped and sealed. Singh gave another nod. " Alright everyone. Back to work."

The officers dispersed to their various tasks. Barry headed up to his lab to get settled in for another busy day. It wasn't long before setting his bag down that he heard the door to his lab sliding further open. He glanced up to see Joe approaching his desk.

"So what do you think?" Joe asked curious to get his son's opinion.

"I don't really know. I mean it could be a meta like Singh says. Meta related crimes have been on the rise lately."

"Is there any way we can know for sure?"

"I could have Cisco take a look at the video. See if he sees anything or maybe vibe something off the guy."

"Sounds good." Joe studied Barry for a moment. "So how was your first night."

"It was good."

"It looks like it was good. YOU look good. Keep it up and you'll be earning your baby-face title back." Joe chuckled and was surprised to see Barry crack a smile back.

"The place is really cool. I already feel at home, and it was easier to settle into than I thought it would be."

"So where is this really cool place?" Joe was really curious. Barry had left in such hurry yesterday. He didn't even have his son's new address.

"It's in town. It's not too far," Barry answered vaguely. He turned is back to Joe seemingly looking for something in his bag. "Did they get any prints from the scene," Barry suddenly asked changing the subject.

"Uh no. Not yet. Sandy Snitchell from the Mid Central precinct is the one who took evidence from the scene. They're still processing making sure any prints lifted don't match any of the current employees." Joe didn't miss the subject change, but let it slide. The boy just moved. He'd give him time.

"I can head down there. See if I can help _speed_ things along."

"Sounds good." Joe chuckled not missing the pun. Barry did seem a bit better. Maybe the move was just what he needed.

"Alright, let Singh know. I'm actually working. Not just taking off."

"I'll drop that tape off by Cisco and see what he can find."

"Ok call me if you get anything."

* * *

It was a long day of processing evidence even for a speedster. There were at least 150 employees working at Mid-Central City Technical. There were also several logs of who had clearance to where. The place wasn't just one big warehouse, but more like a series of small storage facilities each having their own designated list of individuals with access. Also they had to cross reference any prints that may have been left by whatever institution that was using the facility. It was all turning into one big headache. Barry decided to head over to S.T.A.R Labs to see if Cisco found anything new from the tape. As Barry entered the building, he didn't expect to see Iris heading in at the same time. His eyes locked onto her's remembering the kiss from the other night. The passion. The need. He felt his cheeks heat up at the thought. She smiled warmly at him.

"Hey Barr," Iris said sweetly falling in step beside him.

"Hey." Barry said heading over to the elevator. It wasn't long before the metal doors were sliding open before them and they entered together. Barry reached over punching the button that would take them to the Cortex.

"You look good, Barr. Did you shave, too," Iris asked reaching up to touch his cheek. She rubbed her thumb lightly over his jawline. Barry stilled at her touch. It was warm and comforting on his cheek. He wanted to melt into that touch. He wanted to bring her close. Hug her. Kiss her again. There was something still there though. Something was in his way. "Barr?" Her voice broke his thoughts and he realized he hadn't even responded.

"Yeah, last night. I kinda thought it was about time." She removed her hand stepping back to her side.

"So how was it?"

"It was great. Thanks for the pictures, by the way. It really warmed the place up."

"That's good. You know I was thinking. Maybe I could come over sometime? What are you doing tonight. We could cook dinner. I could see your place. Maybe watch a movie. It'd be nice, right? I can even cook all your favorites."

Barry wasn't sure he could make it through another night alone with Iris. A small part of him was happy that she finally felt for him the feelings that he had held for her so long. But things have changed. He has changed. Though, he has hopes that things will change back sooner rather than later, he knows he's nowhere near reciprocating her feelings. There was still a large part of him that felt tainted, dark, and empty. Pursuing a relationship with her now would be wrong. He would be using her to fill a void and would ultimately end up hurting her. He didn't want to go down that road. Not now. Not ever. "Ah. Maybe not tonight. I'm still getting settled in and there's a ton of work left to do on the Warehouse cases." The bell dinged signaling that they made it to their respective floor. Barry let Iris out first before stepping out himself. They rounded the long hallway in silence. They split off as they entered. Barry headed over to the computers to speak with Caitlin and Cisco. Iris headed over to where her father stood not too far behind.

"Did you guys get anything off the tape," Barry questioned not wasting any time.

"Like what? You literally brought us a tape of young Anakin Skywalker using the force to break in to some technical warehouse facility. There's not much else. It doesn't even look like he made it out with anything."

"Yeah they're still working through their inventory. They should have some idea by Tuesday next week."

"Sweet!" Cisco hopped out of his chair full of excitement. Barry and Caitlin shared a glance. "What? Look, the city has been quiet lately..."

"Relatively," Caitlin interrupted.

"I think it's the perfect time for us to take the weekend off."

"That's surprisingly irresponsible of you, Cisco." Caitlin smiled shaking her head resuming her work.

"All work and no play gives Cisco a bad Vibe. Look, we need some fun. Some action. We don't even have to go out really. We could spend the night in. Barry you've got a new place. Caitlin says it's awesome. How about a sleep over? You supply the pad and we'll supply the...cash? You know for snackage and stuff." Caitlin's eyebrows raised with question.

"Who's we?"

"Me and You?" Cisco signaled between him and Caitlin.

"Oh no. Don't volunteer my measly little paycheck. Everything I have is going into savings."

"What could you be possibly saving up for?"

"I don't think that's any of your business." She stated simply.

"Bet it's another absurd piece of equipment." Joe chuckled overhearing the two's bantering. Him and Iris had been speaking about the warehouse case. Her trying to gleam every possible piece of information from him. Fortunately he had nothing to offer that she could use. His eyes drifted over to Barry who seemed lost in his own thoughts. He had gone quiet listening to their back and forth. The banter between Cisco and Caitlin subsided ending on a question that Barry obviously hadn't heard. "Barry?" Cisco called to him.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said, what do you think, man?"

"Oh." Barry rubbed the back of his neck. "I just remembered I have some stuff to do, sorry. I should actually probably get going."

"That sucks." Cisco said obviously disappointed.

"I know, man. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you." Barry's face was pleading, and Cisco relented.

"Fine, ok. Then you are buying the snacks."

"Sure."

There was a short pause and then Barry said his goodbyes to everyone. He was relieved when he made it through his front door. He hadn't realized just how much his anxiety had started to build while meeting with everyone. The dark calm of the house was welcoming. He exhaled slowly dropping his keys on the coffee table. He knew they'd be curious, and want to see his new place. He hadn't anticipated them being that curious. He had only spent one night, and they were already looking for an opportunity to come by. He hated keeping them at arms length on this, but this was the only place. This was the only place he had that didn't hold some memory or some connection to his father. It was the only place he could go right now that he felt free enough to breathe. Somehow the thought of his family and friends suddenly filling that place made him anxious and claustrophobic. He would invite them over at some point. Maybe even have a house warming party or something. He just needed more time to get better.


End file.
